The dangers of excess alcohol in Basingstoke:

Posted: January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

There are many inherent dangers when drinking alcohol, in excess, in Basingstoke. These can include, in no particular order:

1) It’s bad for your health:
a) Vital organs are under attack
b) Ladies with sore feet carrying high heeled shoes (offensive weapons in the wrong hands)
c) Falls + head injuries/chafes/bruises and bumps.
d) I witnessed one girl being sick on her Jimmy choos last week! I’m sure Mr Choo never envisioned his fine footwear receiving a carrot and bile makeover.
e) Eating kebabs (Surely no sober person would eat such foul, congealed, tasty treats)

2) Your drunken comedy jibes, directed towards someone else’s girlfriend, could see you in A&E

3) Increased risk of arrest:
a) Swearing at police officers
b) Failing to disperse after you have tried to assault a random person (section 27 violent crime reduction act)
c) Attempting to smuggle drugs, hidden in your pants, into pubs, and nightclubs. You wouldn’t be so brazen if you were sober!?
d) Challenging the 7 foot doorman to a duel

4) The more alcohol you buy the poorer you become (fact)

5) Drunk people often look uglier (I have seen this with my own eyes) Think, lipstick on your chin, with Worzel Gummidge hair, and leopard skin print miniskirt. Would you start the night like this? Alcohol gives you permission to look this way.

I have known very nice sober people, who become demonic hell-raisers after a belly full of Lambrini. Only last night a drunken reveller stopped me on my travels to say “I’m not being funny mate but all police are c****” The males over-apologetic friend reassured me that he was only being this way due to the excess alcohol, and that when he is sober, he is top banana.!

Why do some drunk people squeal with delight, at seeing police officers in the town centre, and make random farm noises. I don’t walk amongst them shrieking “Winos.” It’s just not cricket.

Like most things in life, moderation is the key to success. Alcohol is no exception.

So, have a few drinks, wear sensible shoes, wave and say hi to the policeman, avoid the kebab van, don’t slap anyone, take a taxi home, drink a pint of water, sleep in your own bed, and live happily ever after. Or, do the opposite, and drink in excess, arm up with some ice pick shoes, f & blind at the (innocent) policeman, devour a greasy kebab with extra chilly sauce and slap your mate because you can! This will translate to a night in the cells, a vacuum packed all day breakfast, an £80 fixed penalty notice, or a day in court. Plus, the potential for loss of earnings, a criminal record, and a ban from the pubs.

Anyhow, Cheers…



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